Sunday, December 13, 2009

It's A Tiger

Yesterday, while getting the mail, I ran into one of my neighbors. She was walking her miniature husky that was clad in the cutest holiday dog’s sweater.

“Aw, how cute,” I said, acknowledging the pooch after I said hello to her. “I bet he loves showing off his cute little sweater,” I added.

“Yes,” my neighbor responded. “She was very anxious to get out today.”

I chuckled after I said, “Oops” in my mind.

We are such creatures of habit. My first sight of a cat, I think it’s a girl, and a dog, naturally I think it’s a boy—perhaps because an unfaithful man is commonly referred to as “a dog.” But, in light of the Tiger Woods’ nine-mistress sex scandal, “a dog” has taken on a whole new meaning. A lying, cheating man is now simply “a tiger.”

* * * *

“A tiger” is a member of the felidae family, the largest of four “big cats.” He is considered an apex predator to women and critically classified as endangered. Aside from his bulk and power, his most recognizable feature, which often goes unnoticed by most women, is his dark vertical stripes that overlay near-white to reddish-orange fur, fading in his underpart. His fur is perhaps the most deceptive covering. His speed is referred to as lightning, except when being chased by a nine iron. An angry woman upstages all of “a tiger’s” ability to grovel or escape.

There are way too many tigers running loose. Raw meats and sleeping pills are simply too old-fashioned to catch these predators. Cell phones and text messages have proven to be the savviest way to snare these wily beasts.

This holiday season, if you get a note asking you to, “send me something very naughty,” don’t be fooled. It is not a bird or a plane, and it is certainly not Santa.

It’s a tiger with really big golf balls!

Copyright © 2009 Denrique Preudhomme. All rights reserved.


ThinkOutsideDaBox said...

Nice article, funny metaphors but hey we all have screwed up before in one way or another and if Tiger's wife is willing to give him another chance then I guess people will say what they want as that is the price of being a public personality.

Anonymous said...

I enjoyed this too, though I normally associate "tiger" with a female acting as "Mama tiger" when her loved ones get sick or in trouble. But...Tiger Woods' actions gives the word a new meaning. As for the texting, I've gotten emails about "naughty," and delete any text or email message if I don't recognize the sender or subject.

Nice read!

author of Dark Side

Pat Arnold said...

Considering today's news reports that Elin has bought an island home with some of the millions she demanded from the tiger, it appears that she's poked him AND his feline playmates in the eye. But will other tigers (and those willing to help them be dishonorable) get the message? Probably not.

Dorothy said...

As soon as these women get their fifteen minutes of fame, they'll disappear. I hold Tiger responsible, but those women need to shut up. One had the nerve to say she was hurt because he didn't sent her a card. Honey, it wasn't like he was going to see you on your next birthday or put the date in his pda.

Marc A. Medley said...

I am in the process of chiming in on the Tiger situation. I already have the title for my next blog. It's "The Kitty Sunk the Tiger," or kitties in this case. The critical question is (and I will expound a little more on this in my blog entry) if you know you have those proclivities, why get married in the first place. Tiger has not been married that long making these escapades even more ridiculous. The "kitty" is so strong that not even a "tiger" can overcome it. More to come in The Critical Thinker. Enjoyed the piece (no pun intended) as always Denrique.

Monique said...

Oh, this is a good one Denn! LOL!!

Anonymous said...

Very nice read.
People have been asking me "what do you think of Tiger Woods affair?" and i reply nothing.
Reason being, his personal problems or moral issues are none of my business and does not affect my life.
It is very easy to be a critic for someonelses situation. I feel it is a time for individuals to examine there own marriages, relationships and arrangement and ask yourselves, is my situation any different?
Fix you own homes before getting involved.

Yvonne S. said...

I must say that this is one of your best tome's to date.