Friday, July 8, 2011

My Top 5 Craziest Things on Trains

When Owen Lift (played by Danny DeVito) got his guilt-ridden community college professor (played by Billy Crystal) to help him try to kill his overbearing, abusive mother in the 1987 movie, Throw Momma From The Train, I thought it was the craziest thing that ever happened on a train. But, Owen’s plot does not compare to the crazy things I have seen on trains.

Here are the Top 5 craziest things I have seen on trains:

5. A middle-aged man gets on the train and wipes an entire seat [clean] with a dingy rag before he sits down. Minutes later, he wipes the windows, rails, and just about every seat that became vacant.
Truth: Having a chronic case of OCD on public transportation must be tough, but using a dingy rag to clean is oxymoronic.

4. A tall slender woman dressed in Muslim attire, boards the train, remains standing and balances herself like a Japanese Ninja preparing to conquer his enemy as the train travels at a high speed through the tunnel.
Truth: If you’re going to impersonate someone, make sure your costume matches your act.

3. A young lady is reluctant to give up a seat she reserves for her carryout meal to a little old lady.
Truth: If I were that little old lady, that hussy would suffer from pocketbook blues!

2. A woman is apparently haunted by an evil ghost. She punches and kicks the ghost who is seeking refugee from her swift blows underneath the seats.
Truth: Her truth is sadly, stranger than fiction.

1. A man shamelessly masturbates with his bishop exposed in the palm of his hand.
Truth: That is beyond crazy. It is downright disgusting!

What are some of the craziest things you have seen on trains? Please, do share.

Copyright ® 2011 Denrique Preudhomme. All Rights Reserved.


sm said...

A lot more crazies out than in .... every now and then it turns out badly !!

Anonymous said...

I've seen funnier stuff riding buses in San Francisco. On my first trip upon arriving in my new 'home', there were 3 of us on the bus -- it was the middle of the day -- a man sat in one seat with his foot propped upon the other cutting his toe nails. He wasn't a bit concerned with what we thought.

On another trip people boarded the bus with dogs, big and little. Guess S.F. had no problem with that. Seeing Eye dogs I could understand, but...

I thought what the heck...I'll ride around the city. I had no specific place to go, and asked the bus driver if I could ride with him until his turn-around point. He said no problem, take a seat and enjoy the view. Of course, we got into conversation, me telling him where I was from and how long I'd been in S.F. -- I think it was a week.

We got to one of these streets on a downward slope. My heart was in my mouth. I asked him if he was ever afraid of going downhill with this big bus. I didn't say what I was thinking, which was what if the breaks failed. Yipes!

He said, yes sometimes it worries me. I told him the truth, it scared the devil out of me.

Then there was the singing Market Street trolley driver. Ever seen the cute, red open-air trolleys? IMO, it's a bit romantic. The bus driver sang opera and never missed a note. He was really good, no one complained, some even thanked him for entertaining us.

I can say that San Francisco has one the better public transportation systems I've ridden. Chicago and Atlanta's stink.

Thanks for the fun

Charlii said...

Oh, I got all of you beat! In the heart of New York City, I think it was the station at Madison Square Garden called Penn Station on a beautiful Spring Day. Everyone was dressed in their lovely spring dresses and shorts only to be plummeted with human feces from the neighborhood Bum! DooDoo was flinging everywhere and it was if a bomb had exploded. People were ducking, screaming and running as the homeless man preceded to reload his right palm with CRAP, flinging it at his next random I stood in shock, with my mouth wide open. Guess what happened next? No, the defecation did not land in my mouth......the subway door closed as I stood there in awe, saving me from, no doubt, a shitty day!